The long ombre hair, the vibrant matte lips, bohemian kind of clothes, and round white-framed glasses. It is like I am looking in a mirror. The differences are that she is six cm shorter than me, more slender, and not prettier than most women. What she says is what I said, all the things she does are what I did in public, but whatever she feels will not be the same feelings that I have. She can copy me or either way. But my life will always be mine and she can never take it for granted. If she can copy me but still cannot be me, what’s the fun?
“How not to hate your life”
Here are some tips how not to hate your life.
- Do the things that you love : Remember, this is very different with “love what you do” because it is forcing you to be happy when you are not. Everything is always bad when it is being forced. It is not hard to do what you love, just simply do what you want to do and you are basically going to be the happiest person. But before you make your decision, you get to think of the consequences. Everything has its own risk and it needs your full responsibilities. I am going to give an easy example if you love cheesy fries and you crave for them every day and for every meal, you have to think for yourself what will cheesy fries do to your health if you eat them 3x in a day. If you love singing and want to be a singer, you know tongues are the best judges of all. How criticism will affect your mental health. You have to think for the long term. I love writing. Of course, I have to think about the consequences, the responsibilities that I cannot get away from.
- Do what you are good at when it comes to making money : You know you are good at Graphic Design, you should make money from it. There are ways, maybe you should consider applying for a job as a Graphic Designer or you can make your own business over it. Yet, this can be challenging. Maybe there will come a day when you are so effed by looking at your computer screen, squinting your eyes to make a perfectly straight line, or making the most eye-catching brochure. Well, everybody will be there soon enough because that means you are just doing the right thing.
- Do / Be what your heart desires : If your heart tells you to be a clown, so be it, if your heart tells you to go to the mall so do it. Even though sometimes your heart wants something strange, follow it! Trust me you will feel accomplished and at least you are happy and on the right path. If you feel like exercising, go hit the gym, go on a jog, or whatever. But if you don’t feel like it, you don’t have to. Nobody forces you to (unless you’re on a program).
- Find reasons why you are doing it : Now if you know what to do and to be, find your reasons why you should follow what your heart desire. If you want to resign from your current job, find your reasons why. If you think your job is not giving you what you need like challenges or enough salary that you deserve, then why not? You are worth more than that. Or if you want to break up with your significant other, find a reason why. Is it because he/she cheating on you and you don’t want to give them any last chance? Or maybe because you feel like you are in a destructive relationship that is going nowhere and you feel like you are just wasting time with him/her? Fine, end whatever that needs to be as long as you have the right reason why.
- Have enough rest : If you are having a very hectic week, schedule at least one day from your weekend to take a full day rest. Just do nothing and be lazy for a day, it won’t kill your brain cells and make you become stupid or unproductive. Wake up late, stay in your bed for 18 hours, call for a pizza delivery, binge watch Netflix all day, or read a very good novel, maybe you don’t even have to take a shower (at least brush your teeth).
- Go have a day / night out : Don’t lock yourself in the same places every day. Office – home – office – home. Take one day of your weekend to go out, have a nice lunch, go on a picnic, or go shopping, or maybe you can visit pubs on Friday night if you have already scheduled for a rest on Saturday, or you can go out for dinner in a cozy restaurant on a Wednesday night.
- Keep in touch with your old friends : Arrange for a meet up with some old friends, catch up what has been left, talk about those good old days.
- Go on a date with your so : Haven’t been in any fun and romantic activities with your so because of that loaded paperwork? Have a spontaneous date night. Maybe on Monday night, to ease the next four days, ask your so to go on a fancy dinner or movie date. You don’t have wait for a celebration to go fancy dining, there will always be something to be celebrated for, your relationship, your children, your job that you love, anything. Or you want to cook at home and make something special? Put on those scented candles, spice it up a bit in the bedroom after home-cooked fancy dinner, just forget that weekend is still a long way to go.
- Surround yourself with the people who are grateful for your well-being : That means those people need you and they love having you to be around them. Surround yourself with these kinds of people, you will appreciate yourself more then.
- Be grateful : God loves those who are grateful. Being grateful that means you are accepting whole heartedly of what God has given you. It is like giving someone a birthday present and seeing them happy and thankful, you feel like you want to give them more. So, don’t forget to be grateful.
There are two kinds of people on this planet;
- The one who’s expecting the unexpected
- The one who just lets the unexpected happens
I am both, I guess. I chase opportunities. But when they take some times, I usually back away slowly but leave my whole heart on the way hoping it will come again. Then boom, the unexpected happens when I am almost losing all hopes. I don’t know what God has planned, but mostly He writes my story with so much minor plot twists. They twirl my world a little bit too much in here and there, making a small hurricane without the storm.
You can imagine how much the life of a 22 year old has gone up and down. It fluctuates every five minutes. One minute she feels lucky, the next minute she is attacked by the series of unfortunate events. It can be anything! From the moment she opens her eyes and even before she takes the first breath, something will change quickly. Maybe she gets a text from a cute guy blessing her morning, or maybe even a break up text.
One night, the haunting hour has not yet passed by. The phone in my hand kept ding-ing with the multiple texts from three people at the same time. One text full of jokes, gossips, and curses. The other text full with recalling back happy memories. The last text full with one-sided arguments and recriminations.
I cried and then laughed. Then when there were spare times away from them, I’m brooding. Looking up at the ceiling, staring at the flowery beam around the lamp, thinking I might end one of the conversations, having enough plot twists for one night. The texts of jokes, gone without closure. The texts with memories, never been opened since. So I decided to finish the arguments instead, anyway I never like it to sleep with a head full of thoughts.
A small plot twist. The arguments turned into my breaking point where I no longer believe in the future. One thing that flipped it upside down, the proof of a chance to find a long lost human being that was once my whole world but a tornado blew him away. One future closing up, another one coming in ahead. Maybe, just a 0.50% maybe because it had to get through a bumpy road up and down some hills.
Another small plot twist. The arguments continued without ending, even after ignoring seemed ruthless. A small pop-out on my screen turned the frown right-side-up, creating a heat that caused blush. In a single click, I know what I had to do! To make more plot twist, but this one was the biggest of all. The major one and I knew my life would change forever. I threw away the only toxic in my life and I could feel a load of burdens lifted up from my chest. If you are a woman, you would probably know how it feels. You know that feeling of freedom and relieve when you finally take off your bra after 12 hours? I know right?!
Then, yes I took small and careful steps to take the risk. I am not the kind of person who is scared of being alone. I rarely crave for a relationship, I am the other wise. I always have been in chains longing for liberty. But I still considered gambling to win the war I had lost once, seven years ago. I have had taken the same chance when God cracked open the door a little, but my move was reckless and aimless. I hit the door instead of entering, he was gone again by the time I stood back up. Then, I waited… waited… until God opened the door big enough for me to slip in smoothly.
“Hey, how are you? It’s been so long since the last time we talked.”
I knew it, waiting patiently would finally make everything worth in the end. God is opening so many doors and behind each of them are the plot twists you can make your own self. Big and small. The biggest plot twist in my entire life (yet), the return of a missing human being. It sounds simple, but if you know how I had lost all of my hopes but still leaving my whole heart with that person, this is a triumph almost like a lifetime achievement. Well, because it takes a lifetime for me to be able to reach for it. Once I have it in my hands, it will always remain there.
So, hold on to the unexpected. Hold on to your dreams. When you almost lose all hopes, back away a little, slowly, but if you think your heart belongs there then leave it somewhere along the way. Someday it will find the way back to you along with the dreams you almost gave up on.
Be both kind of person. Expect and let it happens when the time comes.
November 9 by Colleen Hoover
This is my very first book review and my first Colleen Hoover’s book. I’ve seen people reading her books everywhere, but I don’t know somehow I hadn’t read one. When I bought this book, I read the little description behind it. It didn’t give me that curiosity I usually feel when I pick books. But I bought it because I hadn’t read the famous Colleen Hoover’s book.
Okay now onto the book.
What interests me from this book is that the two characters, Ben and Fallon. Why? Because Fallon is a lot like me; insecure about all things mostly about her physical looks, unconfident, always underestimate herself, and her head that is full of ‘what if’ questions. Maybe her character relates to so many girls in this world. And that is what makes her special, what makes this book is worth reading.
Ben. He is sweet, sometimes can be too cocky and blunt. But that is what I like about him. He reminds me of someone I know, I care about too. Okay, I’ll stop being personal here. Ben is so unexpected, or maybe he is too predictable. I don’t know. He can be both. He is smart. Fallon is smart too. They both are. But Ben always has his ways to outsmart Fallon, from the way he talks, the way he defends himself when Fallon starts to accuse him being all wrong.
The only part that I don’t fancy is the beginning of this book. I don’t want to give away the piece of the story because it will be a spoiler. But, really if there is someone who dares to do that unexpected thing like what Ben did in the beginning of the book, seems like impossible. I mean, it is not a smooth opening for a romance book. It is just too easy, too instant.
I could already predict the end of the story, like who actually Ben is in the beginning. But I had no idea that the story would have such a plot twist like that. I mean, IT WAS JUST AWSOME.
My MOST FAVORITE part in this book is, of course the romance itself! When Ben and Fallon are so in love they can’t be separated! I love how they’re connection is just so…..real. Like I could feel what Fallon feels when they fall in love with each other, when the uncertainty is always in the middle on their way, when they have fights and doubts, but when they’re sure about each other that what touches me the most!
I smiled the whole way through the very last page of this book. Ben and Fallon. They’re just like every other relationship in this world.
I even thought about doing the same thing, like Ben and Fallon do. One day, every year, for maybe a year because I’ll be 23 this year. So, yeah…….
I don’t know….. I can’t really express what I’m thinking about this book. Like no words can really describe anything about this book.
I love Colleen Hoover! I’m addicted to her books now….
*note : this post is based on my own opinions. So if someone is offended or have different opinions, please speak up.
Me, one of the Introverts standing between Extroverts, trying to survive in such a cruel world.
Someday I would love it being an introvert, the other day I would envy the extrovert.
Being an introvert isn’t all bad and isn’t all pleasing at the same time either. Being an introvert is…complicated. Living in the world with classes is hard. You will never be equal, I mean everyone is different. But why is it hard for us introverts to fit in with society like extroverts can easily do?!?!
No extrovert can understand what us introverts feel and think!
Here are some negative and positive points of being an introvert.
- When people ignore you, you won’t get hurt as much as extroverts will. Because you know why, introverts like to be invisible. We tend to be oblivious and sometimes people will never realize about our existence, not until we make a sound.
- Introverts are calm and quite. So when people get tired of dramas, an introvert can be a good companionship and sometimes a good human diary.
- We don’t mind being alone and doing everything by ourselves. Because introverts hate loud people. So, when we are put in a condition where we have to deal or do anything alone, there’s nothing to worry about.
- I’m not so sure why, but most in my case people tell me that introverts give the best advises. We have our own thoughts. We are so unpredictable. Though we don’t express more of our feelings, always stay away from crowds and dramas, never put ourselves in public, but an introverts can be a good examiner. We see everything that happens around us because we’re invisible. We know what is going on. We know how to give advise, or even though we can’t, we’ll always be a good listener.
- We will never be bored. Or if we do, we can always find something small for entertainment. We don’t need to move around so much, spend money on things we see, we don’t even need to get out. We can simply just chill in front of our laptop, surfing the internet, writing, reading, watching movies, or just enjoying a hot cup of tea while day-dreaming. Anything can become an activity.
- Introverts can be a good friend for everyone because we tend to be loyal to someone that we care the most. We don’t socialize much. Making friends is the hardest part we have to do in life. But once we have some close friends, we will never hurt them or betray them. We will protect them. Imagine dating an introvert, you’d be treated as a king. (Well, not really LOL)
- If you ever hurt an introvert by accident, just give them sometimes for themselves and they will forgive you no matter what. But they will always remember.
- Like number 6, introverts are loyal. Though introverts hate to be the center of attention, or just to be in a place where there are more than 4 people in the room, once we find someone so close and dear to use, we will never let go. How badly you treat us, we will always forgive and stay although we might never forget, because for us finding the perfect one is such a life-time achievement. I mean, going out there talking to someone is already hard enough. We will treasure that person, but we have limits. We know when to let go or to keep on holding on.
- Introverts are creative. It doesn’t mean that extroverts aren’t. But the way we think is different from most of other people out there. This one is hard to be explained, but I don’t know why most introverts are just creative, and weird… but in a cool way.
- Introverts are smart. That does not mean extroverts are stupid. Sometimes extroverts can outsmart introverts. People judge us introverts as weird and probably stupid because we never say anything in class, give an argument, or correct someone when they make mistakes. But we’re not. We just don’t talk, we think. Because introverts has the loudest minds then those who speak too much. (no offense!) because we prefer to be silent when we don’t know or do, rather than saying wrong things and being too cocky about it which will only make you look dumber.
- We’re too sensitive. I know when I say introverts are like being to be left alone, but sometimes we want the world to know that we actually exist too. Especially when an introvert has an extrovert best friend. Urgh, that is just hard! Because you will only be more invisible. We can get hurt too you know if someone is ignoring us too much or and too far. Like, HELLO? CAN YOU SEE ME? I’M RIGHT HERE TOO, BREATHING AND ALIVE!
- It’s hard to put our thought into words. Like when people ask about how we feel, we’re just going to say that we’re fine which is a lie. Because expressing ourselves, telling the truth about how we exactly feel is harder than to peel of a potato using a spoon. We don’t care about how you feel, and we’re scared if we’re going to tell how we feel and no one will care is a nightmare for us. Because introverts are just TOO SENSITIVE!
- Making a friend is hard, let alone to be famous. We’re not confident enough. Why? because I think being invisible will be a lot easier than to be apparent, no one will judge a non-existent human being. You will never be judged. Because no one knows that you’re actually alive. But this will be a bad thing, in terms of love and friendship. It’s hard to get a boyfriend and friends (at least loyal ones)
- We’re never a good leader. Because it connects with number 1-3. Think about it…
- Introverts always expect the bad out of the good. We don’t expect too much, though we dream as high as a skyscraper. Or we’re more like, pessimist. We’re scared of falling too deep and too hard.
- We will always ask ourselves this for the rest of our lives, “Am I brave enough to do that?” “What does it feel like to be the center of attention, to have so many friends who care, to be (at least) someone’s favorite, to be the first choice?”
- We will never know how to be an extrovert
- We will always envy extroverts
- We will always be the sidekick
- Sometimes we pity ourselves to be all alone all the time because your extrovert friends will always have someone else to hang out with, and we will blame ourselves for not making enough friends and for hating everyone too much.
I guess, in the end it depends on your own self. If you enjoy being an introvert that’s okay. But people can change. Depends on how environment effects your attitude, behavior, your life. Depends on how you see the world from your perspective.
If I’m wrong, please correct me.
If you’re agree, thanks…
This is just one of my opinions about something. People are allowed to have their own opinions, aren’t they?
These I have loved;
Gooey yellowish thawed slime; the reeked stench of a cheese;
Brownish sometimes pitch black liquid; sizzling in a big coffee mug;
The twinging sensation from a pungent culinary; sweats of joy and satisfaction;
The purring sound from a ball of furs;
The rhythm of a piano and flute;
The petrichor of a heavy rain; freshly damped earth;
The sound of tranquility – in aesthetic forms of soul;
The smell of books; grayish white into moldy pages;
A group of impregnable people; humorous and loyal.
Memories from another time;
These I have loved.
Inspired by The Great Lover (1915) by Rupert Brooke
I remembered that night.
The first time that we met,
you smiled at me,
my heart pulsated.
I remembered that day.
The first time we ever talked,
your voice was so gentle,
my body shimmered.
I remembered that morning.
The first time we laughed together,
your eyes shone so bright,
my head spun in circle.
It was a quixotic scheme,
that I will never erase.
One day you disappeared.
Where are you?
I need you!
Every time I kept saying goodbyes,
you wouldn’t let me.
You were there once again,
blocking my way.
I was trapped,
for the second time.
I was settled by your affection.
But you wouldn’t let me.
Then you were gone again.
I tried to run away.
You were suddenly right behind me,
pulling me into a deep trance.
I was in frenzy for the third time.
I begged you to stay.
I didn’t want to disappear,
I didn’t want you to.
You would not listen,
you were gone again the next time I opened my eyes.
or love me!
I knew you were scared.
I knew we both were.
We were lost.
But we could find a way,
I know we would.
But it’s too late, isn’t it?
What are we?
We can stop pretending.
We can try.
What’s the hurt from trying?
We got nothing to lose.
Or did we?
stop this whatever we are doing!
Whatever we are now!
if you wish.
Don’t come back!
Don’t ever come back!
I’m begging you.