Persevere, my friends!

What makes a person happy? Define happy!
What do you think a happiness means? Is eating your favorite food a happiness? Is sleeping early after a long day a happiness? Is working in a company with high salary a happiness? Once again, define what happiness means!
For me, happiness is when you are living your life the way it is supposed to be. Do you understand what I am saying?
Living is easy, but surviving is a different kind of matter. If you think your life is what you define happy, are you doing what you love? or are you just being grateful? Being grateful is important, but if you do it just to love what you do, you are not happy. At all.
People sometimes say, “I am happy with my life and I am grateful for what I have right now.” Yeah, by that it means there are still things in your life you wish to fulfill but you can’t because you stop reaching for it somehow to be grateful. Be grateful, but do not stop reaching for things you want to achieve and how you want to live your life.
It is easy for me to say that while I am still not happy with my own life, I know. How can I even say this such thing? Because I am trying so hard to get my life together.
Why am I not happy with my life? Maybe because I am not living in grace? NO! I am grateful that God still gives me so many opportunitiies to take, to give so many second chances, to help me through my depression. But do you even question why God still offers that many opportunities for you to take? Because God believes that you can lead yourself into what you called happiness by yourself. In the end, all the choices are for you to make.
If you are a fresh graduate, take some times off from the outside world. Give yourself a little credit, or in other word a reward, after wasting your sleep for 12 years! Take naps, take trips to anywhere you want, go to the beach or go camping, stay home all day or all week finish that tv series you have been wanting to watch, stay up all night scrolling through your instagram feed or binge watch Netflix, read a Trilogy, wake up very late that you miss your breakfast and it becomes a routine not to have one, exercise as much as you want (it is time to get your shape back!), take classes like cooking class or Spanish or anything really, basically do all the things you can before you go back to ruining your life. Once you go back to having morning – night routines every five days in a week, you will never be truely enjoying more of your years. Youth is far beyond your reach and you will never get it back. People say, “Ah youth, you’re still 20 something, you are still young and free.” YOUNG AND FREE? Who are you calling young and free? I can only see a destitute human being who hates her life. Yeah well, age does not lie but the experience in your life does. I am still 22 (soon will be 23. Yikes!), with small figures like a 15 year old (some part of my body won’t grow along the biological infancy of a human being), but I’m dressed by the Law of maturity looking like I am a 30 year old woman, living my life daily like a 40 year old. Really, on the inside I am screaming to put on those ripped jeans everyday with my knackered converse and hanging out with friends at the beach with my H&M two piece.
But remember, you know it won’t last forever. You can’t always have fun without income. Unless, you know how to make money by doing really nothing at all, then sure why not!
Give yourself a time limit. 3 months – 1 year would be enough. By the time you are resting from reality, you will figure out what you want to do, who you want to be, and what kind of action you must take next. You will plan out a whole future ahead of you under your own command.
The mistake people often make is that once they graduate University, they go straight to focus on applying for a job (any kind really) that they nearly forget about their own mental health. Those vacant days of theirs are filled with stress and burdens for not having a job, they forget to fill them with some fun. They are often jealous watching their friends sitting in front of a computer all day thinking about vacation with a proper sleep and rest, hey those with no jobs still can have the opportunities that all the employed friends desire! Enjoy while it lasts!
Now, onto the employed and lifeless friends. Are you really okay with your job? Are you really enjoying your Monday? If you already hate a Monday, that means you are not okay with your job. If you are already complaining on Saturday night thinking that tomorrow is your last chance to have a rest or hang out, you should think twice to stay in your job. Consider taking another chance to have your life planned out but you still can enjoy it. Here is what you have to ask yourself, “How not to hate Mondays?” because if you can start to embrace just one day, the rest of the days will not be a problem.
I have friends both who hate their jobs and who love their jobs. Me? HAHA I am in the category of ‘Those Who are in Identity Crisis’ I will not lie, I truly deeply honestly hate my job. But I don’t complain as much as I used to (my first mistake is that I am just like all of those fresh graduates who are too eager to cut off youth in order to grow up so fast).
I realize that people who hate their job but they stay anyway are the kind of people with this mind, “I have to stay in this job if I want to survive!” it is all about money. You can always find money, but your own sanity is more important. My friends who love their jobs, I still cannot relate to them. I envy each and every one of them to talk about how their jobs are hard but worth the fight. The boss that is so nice you can’t possibly hate him or her. The colleagues that you always hang out with every night after work and on weekends and never really talk about how shitty their job is. I want that kind of feeling and experience, when they wake up every morning with a little a smile and a little bit of joy to survive another day. I want to be blessed, too.
My friends who hate their jobs, those I can easily relate too. Some of them have already quitted, some of them still stuck. We have the same opportunity to change our lives, from little scraps like finding a good job that will fit. I just realize, that those who are not enjoying things at work are the people who live under someone’s expectation but still push more. Persevere, my friends. Take all the opportunities you can get, improve, and just do what you love. Live your life well. If you hate your job, just quit! Don’t stress yourself so much. If you find no reason to stay, then why are you still reading this in front of your computer screen stealthily so that your boss will not find out you have been procrastinating your work?! Go out there, find your life purpose, find your happiness, find yourself! Be happy. Do not let anything or anyone hold you back.
Good luck!
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Double Happiness | 喜喜 | one

Double Happiness (喜喜) is a Chinese symbol of marriage which means “Joy”. Chinese people still believe about the old myth, “if they put this ‘囍’ sign on their wedding decoration, they will be blessed for a happy life”. But some people always assume the meaning of Double Happiness is for love that is equal. Like when you are accidentally fall in love with someone, and that someone is actually feeling the same as you do. Like there is some kind of a connection, an invisible bond, that somehow pull you into someone’s life. Look at the symbol, there are two same symbols. One represents the girl and the other one represents the guy. The image of the two lovebirds standing next to each other, and imagine an aisle around them, with a beautiful white gown made of pure silk wraps up tight the girl’s body. And a perfect black and white suit, with a red bow tie like a butterfly ready to fly on the man’s collar neck. The joy of being in love. To fall in love and be loved. The love that is equal. The love that is pure.


Call her stupid. The dumbest living creature. She is heartless. No brain inside that head. Yet, she is no evil. She was just on a liquefaction of her own maturity. Getting to know what kind of love are there outside her world. But she started to learn in a very early dawn, too fast for her age. Such a gravy she gave to all lusts that might ruin herself. Too easy to believe on myths. She would be pleased to be in hijinks along with the people she should have been avoided. It was easy for anyone to disintegrate her ego. But, she was strong enough to fight on her side.

Why would anyone crush such a strong stone? The jocular kind of torturing, busting up her world. No body would have touched her purity of soul. But this one contemptible person has always been on her way, wrecking up her soul, mind and body. He is tearing her world apart, yet she holds on.

“Why would you hold on to him? Let him go, you deserve better!” 

“He is just a boy, and he is just like us, a human. I believe in every each of us, there is a little hope inside our hearts to be changed.” she said.

“How can you do this to yourself? Aren’t you tired?”

 “I can because I trust him. I’m hurt, I’m broken, I’m exhausted, I’m all cracked up.” she admitted.

“Why? I don’t understand you at all…”

“Neither do I…” she walked away.

***

She gritted her teeth while holding back the tears. She knew what kind of suffering that would come after her. She clenched her fists in both hands to prevent her body from shivering. She was terrified, every time they had a conversation something unbearable would happen. They argued a little about sexist, that women are no better than men. Something so insignificant and trifling, but for her having a debate was amusing. But unfortunately, it was the wrong time to be pleasant.

“You don’t know anything about ‘sexist’ because you are not even a man.” it came out of her tongue so wrong.

 “So, are saying that I’m not a manly man?” He snapped out the question like he was going to lash out her teeth.

“No, but you are not gentle enough to argue that men are better social creatures then my people.” She explained. “I mean, look at the fact that you don’t even care about my honor at all.”

I DO!” he shouted. “Tell me, what wouldn’t I do for you?”

“Now, would you do it if I tell you not to kiss me right now?”

She leaned on a little bit closer to him inside their dark secret getaway. That place where they use for hiding from the world, from the reality, from the possibility of breaking apart.

“That’s cheating!” He turned his head away from her.

“No, it’s not cheating! I’m just testing you.”

She leaned back to the wall beside him, sitting side by side. They both were blinded by the love that they thought was eternal. They think about getting married in so many times, yet no one dares to commit their true motility to one another.

“I don’t like where this topic is going…” he said.

Too late, she enjoyed it. Once she did, there is no way out of her game.

“Okay, you can kiss me now!” she huddled in closer to him. She put her lips under his right ear. “But, I want you to kiss me in a passionate way. By love, not lust.”

“That should be easy.” He caught up in her game, again.

“BUT…” she pushed his face away when he started to kiss her. “No hands. I want you to put both of your hands on your back. No touching any part of my body! Got it?”

“Okay…”

One second, two seconds, three seconds…. three whole minutes they were lost in each other’s mouth. She felt the love that she always have for him, he felt the same. They were both once again lost in the term of true love. In the fourth minute, he started to reach out his hands. One step at a time. Within every breath, his hands got closer and closer to her body. First on her face, and then down to her neck. In a second, his fingertips had already been moving slowly along her collar bones. She could feel the tickling sensation inside her tummy. That kind of feeling, she loves it. She let his hands to move around freely. She played along for a minute. When his hands stopped in her stomach, she let out a huge breath. She pushed him away, and she cried.

“What’s wrong? Did I do it too hard?” He looked a little bit worried.

“NO, you idiot! I loved it.” she answered between her cries.

“Then why are you crying?”

“Because you didn’t keep your words! How can I ever trust you again?”

She showed up her tears. She could feel the dropping tears on her chin, falling dawn to the floor which she might never wanted to step on again.

“I’m sorry! I thought the game was over…”

“That was not even a game!” she stood up. “Don’t let me hear any of your promises again! You fail me, for the thousandths time, and I could still see myself being hanged by your words.”

She walked away. She turned her back on him. She left him in the dark with nothing less. Would she ever forgive him? Would she ever trust him again? Would she hold on to her own fairy tale?

Lust is not love. They are two different things. But sometimes people misunderstood both terms. They were blinded by lust which they thought it was love. And they died of disdainful hopelessness.


“What is the meaning of Double Happiness?” she asked.

“I have no idea…” he answered.

“I think it’s telling us about true love.” she said.

“How can you tell?” he asked.

“I can’t. Just a random thought…” she told him.

“Okay, then.” he nodded.

“It’s correct, isn’t it?” she demanded.

“About what?” he doubted.

“Double Happiness. True love.” she explained.

“I don’t know,” he paused. “Let’s just find out.” he smiled.

She smiled. They smiled.