You are having a severe disease, you are sick all the time but you have been taking your medicine everyday that you thought was healing you, but your health gets worse. You think that there is something wrong with your immune so you keep blaming yourself for every worst case.
Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy and you can also choose not to. It depends on you because happiness is just a state of mind like any other emotions. They are all inside your head. You can either embrace or ignore. It really is up to you.
Double Happiness (喜喜) is a Chinese symbol of marriage which means “Joy”. Chinese people still believe about the old myth, “if they put this ‘囍’ sign on their wedding decoration, they will be blessed for a happy life”. But some people always assume the meaning of Double Happiness is for love that is equal. Like when you are accidentally fall in love with someone, and that someone is actually feeling the same as you do. Like there is some kind of a connection, an invisible bond, that somehow pull you into someone’s life. Look at the symbol, there are two same symbols. One represents the girl and the other one represents the guy. The image of the two lovebirds standing next to each other, and imagine an aisle around them, with a beautiful white gown made of pure silk wraps up tight the girl’s body. And a perfect black and white suit, with a red bow tie like a butterfly ready to fly on the man’s collar neck. The joy of being in love. To fall in love and be loved. The love that is equal. The love that is pure.
Call her stupid. The dumbest living creature. She is heartless. No brain inside that head. Yet, she is no evil. She was just on a liquefaction of her own maturity. Getting to know what kind of love are there outside her world. But she started to learn in a very early dawn, too fast for her age. Such a gravy she gave to all lusts that might ruin herself. Too easy to believe on myths. She would be pleased to be in hijinks along with the people she should have been avoided. It was easy for anyone to disintegrate her ego. But, she was strong enough to fight on her side.
Why would anyone crush such a strong stone? The jocular kind of torturing, busting up her world. No body would have touched her purity of soul. But this one contemptible person has always been on her way, wrecking up her soul, mind and body. He is tearing her world apart, yet she holds on.
“Why would you hold on to him? Let him go, you deserve better!”
“He is just a boy, and he is just like us, a human. I believe in every each of us, there is a little hope inside our hearts to be changed.” she said.
“How can you do this to yourself? Aren’t you tired?”
“I can because I trust him. I’m hurt, I’m broken, I’m exhausted, I’m all cracked up.” she admitted.
“Why? I don’t understand you at all…”
“Neither do I…” she walked away.
She gritted her teeth while holding back the tears. She knew what kind of suffering that would come after her. She clenched her fists in both hands to prevent her body from shivering. She was terrified, every time they had a conversation something unbearable would happen. They argued a little about sexist, that women are no better than men. Something so insignificant and trifling, but for her having a debate was amusing. But unfortunately, it was the wrong time to be pleasant.
“You don’t know anything about ‘sexist’ because you are not even a man.” it came out of her tongue so wrong.
“So, are saying that I’m not a manly man?” He snapped out the question like he was going to lash out her teeth.
“No, but you are not gentle enough to argue that men are better social creatures then my people.” She explained. “I mean, look at the fact that you don’t even care about my honor at all.”
“I DO!” he shouted. “Tell me, what wouldn’t I do for you?”
“Now, would you do it if I tell you not to kiss me right now?”
She leaned on a little bit closer to him inside their dark secret getaway. That place where they use for hiding from the world, from the reality, from the possibility of breaking apart.
“That’s cheating!” He turned his head away from her.
“No, it’s not cheating! I’m just testing you.”
She leaned back to the wall beside him, sitting side by side. They both were blinded by the love that they thought was eternal. They think about getting married in so many times, yet no one dares to commit their true motility to one another.
“I don’t like where this topic is going…” he said.
Too late, she enjoyed it. Once she did, there is no way out of her game.
“Okay, you can kiss me now!” she huddled in closer to him. She put her lips under his right ear. “But, I want you to kiss me in a passionate way. By love, not lust.”
“That should be easy.” He caught up in her game, again.
“BUT…” she pushed his face away when he started to kiss her. “No hands. I want you to put both of your hands on your back. No touching any part of my body! Got it?”
One second, two seconds, three seconds…. three whole minutes they were lost in each other’s mouth. She felt the love that she always have for him, he felt the same. They were both once again lost in the term of true love. In the fourth minute, he started to reach out his hands. One step at a time. Within every breath, his hands got closer and closer to her body. First on her face, and then down to her neck. In a second, his fingertips had already been moving slowly along her collar bones. She could feel the tickling sensation inside her tummy. That kind of feeling, she loves it. She let his hands to move around freely. She played along for a minute. When his hands stopped in her stomach, she let out a huge breath. She pushed him away, and she cried.
“What’s wrong? Did I do it too hard?” He looked a little bit worried.
“NO, you idiot! I loved it.” she answered between her cries.
“Then why are you crying?”
“Because you didn’t keep your words! How can I ever trust you again?”
She showed up her tears. She could feel the dropping tears on her chin, falling dawn to the floor which she might never wanted to step on again.
“I’m sorry! I thought the game was over…”
“That was not even a game!” she stood up. “Don’t let me hear any of your promises again! You fail me, for the thousandths time, and I could still see myself being hanged by your words.”
She walked away. She turned her back on him. She left him in the dark with nothing less. Would she ever forgive him? Would she ever trust him again? Would she hold on to her own fairy tale?
Lust is not love. They are two different things. But sometimes people misunderstood both terms. They were blinded by lust which they thought it was love. And they died of disdainful hopelessness.
“What is the meaning of Double Happiness?” she asked.
“I have no idea…” he answered.
“I think it’s telling us about true love.” she said.
“How can you tell?” he asked.
“I can’t. Just a random thought…” she told him.
“Okay, then.” he nodded.
“It’s correct, isn’t it?” she demanded.
“About what?” he doubted.
“Double Happiness. True love.” she explained.
“I don’t know,” he paused. “Let’s just find out.” he smiled.
She smiled. They smiled.