For You

Dear You,

I have noticed that since I took down the link to my blog from all my social media platforms, apparently somebody who lives in my country has been looking up for the link using the search engines. I don’t usually get readers using ‘search engines’ I mean you know what it means? Someone really typed down the link to my blog using google! And only several people know it…even my best friends sometimes still need me to send them the link or still go through my Instagram’s bio. It’s not like it would appear when you type down my full name on Google.

No, it’s okay… I am actually flattered you would go through Google just to find my blog and read it. I mean, that’s what my blog is for. To be read by other people.

I am an opened person, a Liberalist, and I don’t know either I’m a realist or Idealist because I apparently can be both. Anyway…

Some people closest to me will know that I usually write everything I feel at that moment on my blog. It can be in the form of poems, short story through a third person, or motivational writing. But wait, I don’t always write about my own feeling or experience, I also write about someone else’s. So, my readers would sometimes misinterpret them as ‘what the writer has gone through’. No, for the record you actually will have no idea whose story I am writing about.

Hey, you guys…

I don’t know what you guys are looking for in my blog, but you have been checking it several times these past few weeks. I am so fascinated by the work of WordPress because I can track my readers! God… can this digital era be anymore greater (or probably scarier) than it is today?!

Whoever you are, my best friend, or somebody who used to be someone special in my past, or someone that has a crush on me, or the guy that I have a crush on (hey, there… you, yeah you…give me a smile already!), or probably my crush that feels the same way about me (who knows that this feeling is mutual after all), or the person that hates me, or the person who feels threatened by my existence, or probably someone who just loves my writting (THANK YOU FOR READING… I appreciate it so much! I mean it…). I hope all my writings can inspire you, can help you and guide you through something, or I hope you can find a bit of information about my life that you keep missing out (because I have a reason why I don’t want you to keep up with it). At least, I know someone is reading my blog, am I right? Just so you know, I usually post on Thursday at random times, 4 Thursdays a month, so if you find the fifth Thursday in a month, please know I will probably not post anything. Or at least, I am trying to!

Hey, you…

Found what you have been looking for?





Introvert => Extrovert

When a group of people can turn an introvert into an extrovert… it is such an extraordinary thing.

I have been an introvert all my life and probably I always will. I am not really good at talking to other human beings, but I am good with cats (that is an extra credit for me). I don’t fit in anywhere, even when I am trying to. I don’t hate changes, I am scared. Afraid of being rejected by the new environment. I am that kid who doesn’t stand out, sitting as far away from the center, and as quiet as a statue. I show up and then gone. I am terrified when people notice me because then they will start to judge me.

When I am faced with a new scope of various types of people, I did what I do best, trying to be invisible. I thought I was still good at it, but these people I just met a week ago changed a whole new perspective in me.

A year ago, I only have a handful of friends that I can talk to, but not open up to. I don’t feel comfortable letting out the beast in me because I know some of them would not accept it when I steal the spotlight from them, so I listen and listen and in the end, I drew myself back from everyone slowly. In a new year, I have this huge opportunity to start everything fresh. Living back home with a new me, a totally different experience, and unexplored society.

I am not going to lie, the first thing that came up in my mind when I looked around the campus was that ‘I am not going to fit in with anybody here! Let’s just have 3-4 friends and then leave!’ I am a very judgemental person (though I hate to be judged as well). I met three people that surprisingly I am attached to easily. They are the sweetest and I am so grateful that I got to know them soon enough.

Then this outbound activity due on Tuesday and I was assigned to a group of 22 people that I had no idea who they were (but one of them is already a bestie to me so I am so so so ever thankful and relieved that I would not be as lost as I thought). Several days before the outbound, everyone had already gathered up with their own groups and mine was like, ‘Let’s meet up tomorrow’ until it was already two days before the departure.

So, we gathered up in a small square table outside the campus. Yeah, I was trying to tell myself, ‘shut up and listen’ and so I did. We introduced ourselves one by one, like names and what’s one thing that is unique about us. ‘Geez, these people have no idea how VERY ordinary my life is!’ so I only told them about this scorch in my left hand. One person said he looks like a Chinese but he does not have a Chinese heredity in his blood. One person is half Arabian, which is totally apparent. One person said about having chubby cheeks. One person said having dimples is unique, which I totally agree. Two are musicians and they are SOOO amazing. With other unique things like having beards and mustaches, scars, living in a forest, and other things that I probably don’t remember.

They were nice to me, thank God. Then the group chat started to be crowded, we followed each other on social media, and we talked or more like chatting. Some people have surprising mutual friends and alma maters. I still can’t explain it, but I started to be more comfortable around them and it was a very fast process. The hardest thing for me to do is feeling comfortable around new people. But, I somehow forgot about that weakness when I am with them.

On Tuesday, the day of the outbound, we agreed to wear black attire. We showed up looking all cool and macho…and very cohesive. I could not help myself not to smile and to feel proud. “Probably this group is not as bad as I thought”. We laughed and talked loudly while waiting for the bus to come. From day one, I already feel like I am a whole new person. I couldn’t control my brain, I kept blurting out all the absurd things I could think of. That was embarrassing! But in an utter shock to me, not a single person in my group think I was a weirdo. Maybe they think I am a weirdo and I just don’t know, but they let me become who I am. I have never really been this comfortable around new people so fast in my life. And I think I like it to be who I am now.

Day 1

We got off the bus and we went directly to form a line in the middle of an opened field. The instructor was from the military based and he was mean! He commanded us to lay down on the hard and pebbly asphalt out of the blue and started yelling. He took our phone and money away for 3 days, some of us had no chance to say goodbye to their relatives. Me? Nah, nobody would even bother wondering where I was. Because again, I am just too good to be invisible.

I don’t know how it all happened but my group, we already are best friends. I mean, we just met once before that day and I wasn’t even sure I remembered all of their names yet. But what I did all day was just acting like a crazy person, making senseless jokes, and saying unfiltered slangs. But they were still being nice and I don’t know, they accepted me to be who I am just like that! Day one, we were busy standing straight like we were in a military force and mostly just bonding. We became even closer once again, I became even wilder. We discussed the whole night about our group project that has been assigned to us. To be honest, I had no clue what to say because my brain was a total nitwit when the clock starts hitting 10 pm. So, while feeling so bad and ashamed I did not say a word to help out on the group project, all I did was trying to force my eyes open and to nod my head when someone purposed an idea. Later on, I took the first shift for a  night watch in the girl’s barrack until 1 AM with one of the members and my head was going to calcify like a time bomb, but I managed to stay conscious.

Day 2

We have already gathered in the main field at 5 am. Even the sun was still asleep! We all did a little jogging, a little push-up, and morning exercise. After breakfast, we walked several miles (not sure how far, but it was a long and exhausting walk. I stumbled for far too many times because I have two left feet and I hate it when my clumsiness kicked in, I needed to look tough in front my team!).

We did climbings, crossing from one cliff to another using only a single rope as the bridge, walking down a very muddy cliff and then climbing back up with only using a rope as safety. Too many hurdles and I almost gave up in the middle of the day, but I kept screaming to myself inside my head ‘Don’t you dare give up on yourself now! You’re not the same coward as you were a year ago!’  and I finished all the four challenging games (though there were some embarrassing moments of me and also fro other members LOL in one or two, at least we did not give up!).

The whole group did a very good job and I think my group has the strongest bond among other groups! I am super proud!

Day 3

We wrapped up the last day with boring group presentations that felt like an eternity. But we all survived those 3 rough days pretty fine!

So here is the thing, an introvert can also become an extrovert. Not necessarily for good, but sometimes a group of people can make the best out of an introvert. It all depends on who introverts spend the time with. I still can become the introvert of me when I am in class or anywhere I am really but when I am with this 21 people I newly met a week ago, I became my true self that I never realized was there in the first place. Like I was a whole new person! It is surprising, but I don’t know it also feels kind of relieving. It is like I have been holding my breath all these years and I can finally let it out. But outside this group, I will still be an introvert and will always be.

So, I want to do a shout out for these 21 people. Thank you so much to Tama, Adi, Derin, Ina, Devy, Feby, Fikia, Frank, Galang, Iqbal, Maya, Aji, Basra, Ira, Oldy, Restu, Sekar, Silvana, Taufiq, Zharfan (though you could not come during the outbound you contributed so much without you we would not be able to finish our group flag and chest numbers), and Zimam. You guys are amazing! Such gentlemen, because all the dudes in this group kept looking out after all the girl members and the girls are very caring to one another! Thank you so much group 1 (UNO!)  for making me feel like I am finally accepted after so long. I am so proud of us! I love my new family and I hope we can always stay close until we all graduate! See you guys on top!


Shifting from an INTJ into INFJ.

If change is the only constant thing, then adapting is also the one who comes with it. But as hard as facing constant changes, adapting is not easy. If it is, there will be no ‘culture shock’. Imagine that the culture shock does not happen in a new place you live in, but it happens inside you, literally. It’s not about the shifting process, it’s because I am overwhelmed with the sudden change that I have in me now. I am now an INFJ. But somewhere deep inside I still can feel the old INTJ of me reacting to so many things I am dealing with.

Both personalities are in the category of ‘rare’, especially INTJ regarding I am a woman, while INFJ is the rarest among other personalities. But the most significant change in my life is the way I see everything and how I make my decisions. I never really thought about it before, but when I was still an INTJ, I was more of a thinker. I used logic and what makes sense to me regardless others opinion. But now I tend to do what my heart tells me to and sometimes, if not most of the time, doesn’t make sense. I feel weaker. I can’t handle stress and great pressures as it will affect my health. It is weird, isn’t it? 

It is like I have two personalities and able to switch to whichever, whenever I want to. It sounds scary and strange. Although the difference is only on the Extraverted Feeling (INFJ) and Extraverted Thinking (INTJ), it is obvious that I have changed into a whole new person. This is what I believe now; people do change. It might happen because of the people you hang around with, the new environment you’re living in, your age, and even society. It can impact you and the way you see yourself and everything around you.

Both INTJ and INFJ are Introvert and Intuitive. The main difference is that INTJ is more of an Antagonist and INFJ is more of a Protagonist. Can you imagine how that affects my life? From being someone so tough, mean, and heartless into a weak, selfless, and sensitive person. I remember thinking how I hated this kind of self, I am just too weak to defend myself, and just too stupid for using feelings more rather than my brain. I promised to never give myself up and turn into who I am now. But a lot has changed me and it was an inevitable process.

Environment took the role in changing me. After I graduated, the environment around me adjusted itself like it revolved on its own. The next thing I knew, I was already a different person. What do you think about the difference between an INFJ and an INTJ? “Oh nothing much, it’s just that sometimes I can be so touchy and I cry more now, then I will fall ill whenever I cry too much.” I wish I could say that all the time to get free passes in life being one of the weakest personalities in all of humanity. But, nah, that is called complaining and I believe INFJ never complains.
Anyway, INFJ as you can see is very sensitive because they tend to use their hearts to think and to make decisions. INTJ on the other hand, uses logic. When they need to take action, they don’t see the effect they made to other people as long as they are doing what they want to do. Sometimes INTJ can be considered selfish.

But INFJ is across the road. They think before they act. “What will happen to this person if I do this?” “Will he be hurt if I do this?” “Will he be happy if I do that?” it is like, INFJ lives to serve other people, to please other people. For an INTJ, “F*ck that, I won’t do it just to please you!” so, can you imagine how many degrees I have to turn myself around?

Thankfully, I am not alone! There are people out there who are struggling with this kind of thing as well. I have a friend, who had to deal with the same shifting process in a hard way. I am considered lucky because I already have someone to look up to and ask for advice. He suggested that I take it slowly and try not to be overwhelmed by the process. 

Here is what I have learned from the changing process: tolerance. Being a little bit more sensitive gives you some perks too. It makes you become more tolerant to other people and it appears nurturing to them which appeals nicely. People only want to be understood. It is like that is why God created INFJ people, to understand other people. INFJ is like having this superpower to comfort other people, which to be blunt, is really tiring. Creating a smile in someone else’s face always drains out the energy, but it will always worth the effort. 

All INFJ needs is isolating themselves to recharge her/himself before heading out and giving away wise advises that sometimes, if not most of the time, they need for their own. Funny, isn’t it? INFJ does not need anybody to make them feel better. The only person that can push them are themselves and other fellow INFJ. Because you know why? We have a strong bond between one another and the ones who could understand each other. I was surprised how quickly I can connect to my other INFJ peers even though I have only known them for several days. That can be one of the perks too. INFJ can connect to so many people, yet people cannot do the other way around. It is like a one way connection, which seems unfair but it is enough for INFJ to make friends.

The changing process is not bad and I can finally embrace my inner INFJ. It is hard to let go of the INTJ in me completely because it will always be in my blood. But I am grateful that I am included in the rarest personality as there is only a handful of us in this world. This humanity needs more INFJ people. This humanity needs me.

What Really Makes Your Life Miserable

You are having a severe disease, you are sick all the time but you have been taking your medicine everyday that you thought was healing you, but your health gets worse. You think that there is something wrong with your immune so you keep blaming yourself for every worst case.

What do you think is wrong? Have you ever really considered thinking that maybe the medicine is empowering the disease? Have you checked? If you have and you knew all along that the medicine is not good for you and is killing you but you keep consuming the pills because you believe that maybe it will heal you somehow and because you are already too dependent on it. You must stop taking the medicine!
It goes the same with your life. You know exactly what makes your life full of anxious, stress, and doubts. Because you keep surrounding yourself with toxic people. You keep them around you and you think they might change and make your life worth living. But the truth is, the longer you hang around them, the uglier your life will get. Stop thinking that you can be happy with them just because you are scared of letting them go. Some bad people will always stay bad until they have their lesson.
The only thing that can save you is yourself. You have to realize when it is time to walk out of their lives. Appreciate yourself for your own happiness. Always make sure that you come first, never put anyone else above you! Be selfish for sometimes. Stop taking that medicine, those toxic pills. Walk out and be happy! You deserve a happy life, even without anybody involved.

Happiness is a State of Mind

Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy and you can also choose not to. It depends on you because happiness is just a state of mind like any other emotions. They are all inside your head. You can either embrace or ignore. It really is up to you.

If you are trying to be happy but there are things that stop your mind from reaching out the happiness, here are the things you should consider doing in order to be completely happy.
1. Distance yourself from toxic people. Toxic people do not always have to be negative people who are so pessimistic all the time. Toxic people are the ones who stop you from thinking that you are worth to be happy. People who stop you from doing things that you want. People who turn you into someone else and forget who you really are. Toxic people are those who create constant pain, hate, and who triggers you to hold grudges.
2. Do what you really want. I know it is not as easy as it sounds. If your heart desires bigger things like ‘earn ten million in two hours’ maybe it is not what you really want. You can do what you want from a single craving like if you want to eat a piece of chocolate cake, eat it! Don’t too over think about your diet, as long as your mental health is stable and you are happy, you will live one day longer.
3. Always try to see the positives among the negatives. Everything happens for a reason. If it is bad, it’s bad. If it’s good, it’s good. Maybe not everything bad that happens to you means you are doing wrong, it can mean anything else. Try seeing the good over the bad. If you are working in a shitty office, doing a crappy job, and you can’t hate going there less than anything, you have to try and see the positive. Maybe you are being tested by God, how long you can take the pressure and you have to prove God that you are strong enough not to give up easily. Maybe after you take off from there, you will have a strong will to pursue a more challenging experience. You will be stronger mentally or anything really.
4. Stop hating people. Nobody is perfect, no. Not even those you hate. As much as you think they are living a good life, having the most perfect body, I believe that is not all. You don’t know the story behind their perfect pictures. God is fair, just so you know that. Have a bit compassion too.
5. Forgive and Forget. The past belongs in the past. Learn from it, not live in it. Sometimes people will forgive but still can’t forget. Hos do you forget it? Focus on yourself, for the future.
6. Be grateful. What else can I say? If you feel like you don’t have enough, but actually you have more than enough, you won’t be happy at all. Try to be grateful for what you have and think that you are lucky enough to have what everyone wishes they had.

The Unexpected

There are two kinds of people on this planet;

  1. The one who’s expecting the unexpected
  2. The one who just lets the unexpected happens

I am both, I guess. I chase opportunities. But when they take some times, I usually back away slowly but leave my whole heart on the way hoping it will come again. Then boom, the unexpected happens when I am almost losing all hopes. I don’t know what God has planned, but mostly He writes my story with so much minor plot twists. They twirl my world a little bit too much in here and there, making a small hurricane without the storm.

You can imagine how much the life of a 22 year old has gone up and down. It fluctuates every five minutes. One minute she feels lucky, the next minute she is attacked by the series of unfortunate events. It can be anything! From the moment she opens her eyes and even before she takes the first breath, something will change quickly. Maybe she gets a text from a cute guy blessing her morning, or maybe even a break up text.

One night, the haunting hour has not yet passed by. The phone in my hand kept ding-ing with the multiple texts from three people at the same time. One text full of jokes, gossips, and curses. The other text full with recalling back happy memories. The last text full with one-sided arguments and recriminations.

I cried and then laughed. Then when there were spare times away from them, I’m brooding. Looking up at the ceiling, staring at the flowery beam around the lamp, thinking I might end one of the conversations, having enough plot twists for one night. The texts of jokes, gone without closure. The texts with memories, never been opened since. So I decided to finish the arguments instead, anyway I never like it to sleep with a head full of thoughts.

A small plot twist. The arguments turned into my breaking point where I no longer believe in the future. One thing that flipped it upside down, the proof of a chance to find a long lost human being that was once my whole world but a tornado blew him away. One future closing up, another one coming in ahead. Maybe, just a 0.50% maybe because it had to get through a bumpy road up and down some hills.

Another small plot twist. The arguments continued without ending, even after ignoring seemed ruthless. A small pop-out on my screen turned the frown right-side-up, creating a heat that caused blush. In a single click, I know what I had to do! To make more plot twist, but this one was the biggest of all. The major one and I knew my life would change forever. I threw away the only toxic in my life and I could feel a load of burdens lifted up from my chest. If you are a woman, you would probably know how it feels. You know that feeling of freedom and relieve when you finally take off your bra after 12 hours? I know right?!

Then, yes I took small and careful steps to take the risk. I am not the kind of person who is scared of being alone. I rarely crave for a relationship, I am the other wise. I always have been in chains longing for liberty. But I still considered gambling to win the war I had lost once, seven years ago. I have had taken the same chance when God cracked open the door a little, but my move was reckless and aimless. I hit the door instead of entering, he was gone again by the time I stood back up. Then, I waited… waited… until God opened the door big enough for me to slip in smoothly.

“Hey, how are you? It’s been so long since the last time we talked.” 

I knew it, waiting patiently would finally make everything worth in the end. God is opening so many doors and behind each of them are the plot twists you can make your own self. Big and small. The biggest plot twist in my entire life (yet), the return of a missing human being. It sounds simple, but if you know how I had lost all of my hopes but still leaving my whole heart with that person, this is a triumph almost like a lifetime achievement. Well, because it takes a lifetime for me to be able to reach for it. Once I have it in my hands, it will always remain there.

So, hold on to the unexpected. Hold on to your dreams. When you almost lose all hopes, back away a little, slowly, but if you think your heart belongs there then leave it somewhere along the way. Someday it will find the way back to you along with the dreams you almost gave up on.

Be both kind of person. Expect and let it happens when the time comes.

Persevere, my friends!

What makes a person happy? Define happy!
What do you think a happiness means? Is eating your favorite food a happiness? Is sleeping early after a long day a happiness? Is working in a company with high salary a happiness? Once again, define what happiness means!
For me, happiness is when you are living your life the way it is supposed to be. Do you understand what I am saying?
Living is easy, but surviving is a different kind of matter. If you think your life is what you define happy, are you doing what you love? or are you just being grateful? Being grateful is important, but if you do it just to love what you do, you are not happy. At all.
People sometimes say, “I am happy with my life and I am grateful for what I have right now.” Yeah, by that it means there are still things in your life you wish to fulfill but you can’t because you stop reaching for it somehow to be grateful. Be grateful, but do not stop reaching for things you want to achieve and how you want to live your life.
It is easy for me to say that while I am still not happy with my own life, I know. How can I even say this such thing? Because I am trying so hard to get my life together.
Why am I not happy with my life? Maybe because I am not living in grace? NO! I am grateful that God still gives me so many opportunitiies to take, to give so many second chances, to help me through my depression. But do you even question why God still offers that many opportunities for you to take? Because God believes that you can lead yourself into what you called happiness by yourself. In the end, all the choices are for you to make.
If you are a fresh graduate, take some times off from the outside world. Give yourself a little credit, or in other word a reward, after wasting your sleep for 12 years! Take naps, take trips to anywhere you want, go to the beach or go camping, stay home all day or all week finish that tv series you have been wanting to watch, stay up all night scrolling through your instagram feed or binge watch Netflix, read a Trilogy, wake up very late that you miss your breakfast and it becomes a routine not to have one, exercise as much as you want (it is time to get your shape back!), take classes like cooking class or Spanish or anything really, basically do all the things you can before you go back to ruining your life. Once you go back to having morning – night routines every five days in a week, you will never be truely enjoying more of your years. Youth is far beyond your reach and you will never get it back. People say, “Ah youth, you’re still 20 something, you are still young and free.” YOUNG AND FREE? Who are you calling young and free? I can only see a destitute human being who hates her life. Yeah well, age does not lie but the experience in your life does. I am still 22 (soon will be 23. Yikes!), with small figures like a 15 year old (some part of my body won’t grow along the biological infancy of a human being), but I’m dressed by the Law of maturity looking like I am a 30 year old woman, living my life daily like a 40 year old. Really, on the inside I am screaming to put on those ripped jeans everyday with my knackered converse and hanging out with friends at the beach with my H&M two piece.
But remember, you know it won’t last forever. You can’t always have fun without income. Unless, you know how to make money by doing really nothing at all, then sure why not!
Give yourself a time limit. 3 months – 1 year would be enough. By the time you are resting from reality, you will figure out what you want to do, who you want to be, and what kind of action you must take next. You will plan out a whole future ahead of you under your own command.
The mistake people often make is that once they graduate University, they go straight to focus on applying for a job (any kind really) that they nearly forget about their own mental health. Those vacant days of theirs are filled with stress and burdens for not having a job, they forget to fill them with some fun. They are often jealous watching their friends sitting in front of a computer all day thinking about vacation with a proper sleep and rest, hey those with no jobs still can have the opportunities that all the employed friends desire! Enjoy while it lasts!
Now, onto the employed and lifeless friends. Are you really okay with your job? Are you really enjoying your Monday? If you already hate a Monday, that means you are not okay with your job. If you are already complaining on Saturday night thinking that tomorrow is your last chance to have a rest or hang out, you should think twice to stay in your job. Consider taking another chance to have your life planned out but you still can enjoy it. Here is what you have to ask yourself, “How not to hate Mondays?” because if you can start to embrace just one day, the rest of the days will not be a problem.
I have friends both who hate their jobs and who love their jobs. Me? HAHA I am in the category of ‘Those Who are in Identity Crisis’ I will not lie, I truly deeply honestly hate my job. But I don’t complain as much as I used to (my first mistake is that I am just like all of those fresh graduates who are too eager to cut off youth in order to grow up so fast).
I realize that people who hate their job but they stay anyway are the kind of people with this mind, “I have to stay in this job if I want to survive!” it is all about money. You can always find money, but your own sanity is more important. My friends who love their jobs, I still cannot relate to them. I envy each and every one of them to talk about how their jobs are hard but worth the fight. The boss that is so nice you can’t possibly hate him or her. The colleagues that you always hang out with every night after work and on weekends and never really talk about how shitty their job is. I want that kind of feeling and experience, when they wake up every morning with a little a smile and a little bit of joy to survive another day. I want to be blessed, too.
My friends who hate their jobs, those I can easily relate too. Some of them have already quitted, some of them still stuck. We have the same opportunity to change our lives, from little scraps like finding a good job that will fit. I just realize, that those who are not enjoying things at work are the people who live under someone’s expectation but still push more. Persevere, my friends. Take all the opportunities you can get, improve, and just do what you love. Live your life well. If you hate your job, just quit! Don’t stress yourself so much. If you find no reason to stay, then why are you still reading this in front of your computer screen stealthily so that your boss will not find out you have been procrastinating your work?! Go out there, find your life purpose, find your happiness, find yourself! Be happy. Do not let anything or anyone hold you back.
Good luck!

The Negative and Positive Sides of Being an Introvert

*note : this post is based on my own opinions. So if someone is offended or have different opinions, please speak up.

Me, one of the Introverts standing between Extroverts, trying to survive in such a cruel world.

Someday I would love it being an introvert, the other day I would envy the extrovert.

Being an introvert isn’t all bad and isn’t all pleasing at the same time either. Being an introvert is…complicated. Living in the world with classes is hard. You will never be equal, I mean everyone is different. But why is it hard for us introverts to fit in with society like extroverts can easily do?!?!

No extrovert can understand what us introverts feel and think!

Here are some negative and positive points of being an introvert.


  1. When people ignore you, you won’t get hurt as much as extroverts will. Because you know why, introverts like to be invisible. We tend to be oblivious and sometimes people will never realize about our existence, not until we make a sound.
  2. Introverts are calm and quite. So when people get tired of dramas, an introvert can be a good companionship and sometimes a good human diary.
  3. We don’t mind being alone and doing everything by ourselves. Because introverts hate loud people. So, when we are put in a condition where we have to deal or do anything alone, there’s nothing to worry about.
  4. I’m not so sure why, but most in my case people tell me that introverts give the best advises. We have our own thoughts. We are so unpredictable. Though we don’t express more of our feelings, always stay away from crowds and dramas, never put ourselves in public, but an introverts can be a good examiner. We see everything that happens around us because we’re invisible. We know what is going on. We know how to give advise, or even though we can’t, we’ll always be a good listener.
  5. We will never be bored. Or if we do, we can always find something small for entertainment. We don’t need to move around so much, spend money on things we see, we don’t even need to get out. We can simply just chill in front of our laptop, surfing the internet, writing, reading, watching movies, or just enjoying a hot cup of tea while day-dreaming. Anything can become an activity.
  6. Introverts can be a good friend for everyone because we tend to be loyal to someone that we care the most. We don’t socialize much. Making friends is the hardest part we have to do in life. But once we have some close friends, we will never hurt them or betray them. We will protect them. Imagine dating an introvert, you’d be treated as a king. (Well, not really LOL)
  7. If you ever hurt an introvert by accident, just give them sometimes for themselves and they will forgive you no matter what. But they will always remember.
  8.  Like number 6, introverts are loyal. Though introverts hate to be the center of attention, or just to be in a place where there are more than 4 people in the room, once we find someone so close and dear to use, we will never let go. How badly you treat us, we will always forgive and stay although we might never forget, because for us finding the perfect one is such a life-time achievement. I mean, going out there talking to someone is already hard enough. We will treasure that person, but we have limits. We know when to let go or to keep on holding on.
  9. Introverts are creative. It doesn’t mean that extroverts aren’t. But the way we think is different from most of other people out there. This one is hard to be explained, but I don’t know why most introverts are just creative, and weird… but in a cool way.
  10. Introverts are smart. That does not mean extroverts are stupid. Sometimes extroverts can outsmart introverts. People judge us introverts as weird and probably stupid because we never say anything in class, give an argument, or correct someone when they make mistakes. But we’re not. We just don’t talk, we think. Because introverts has the loudest minds then those who speak too much. (no offense!) because we prefer to be silent when we don’t know or do, rather than saying wrong things and being too cocky about it which will only make you look dumber.


  1. We’re too sensitive. I know when I say introverts are like being to be left alone, but sometimes we want the world to know that we actually exist too. Especially when an introvert has an extrovert best friend. Urgh, that is just hard! Because you will only be more invisible. We can get hurt too you know if someone is ignoring us too much or and too far. Like, HELLO? CAN YOU SEE ME? I’M RIGHT HERE TOO, BREATHING AND ALIVE!
  2. It’s hard to put our thought into words. Like when people ask about how we feel, we’re just going to say that we’re fine which is a lie. Because expressing ourselves, telling the truth about how we exactly feel is harder than to peel of a potato using a spoon. We don’t care about how you feel, and we’re scared if we’re going to tell how we feel and no one will care is a nightmare for us. Because introverts are just TOO SENSITIVE!
  3. Making a friend is hard, let alone to be famous. We’re not confident enough. Why? because I think being invisible will be a lot easier than to be apparent, no one will judge a non-existent human being. You will never be judged. Because no one knows that you’re actually alive. But this will be a bad thing, in terms of love and friendship. It’s hard to get a boyfriend and friends (at least loyal ones)
  4. We’re never a good leader. Because it connects with number 1-3. Think about it…
  5. Introverts always expect the bad out of the good. We don’t expect too much, though we dream as high as a skyscraper. Or we’re more like, pessimist. We’re scared of falling too deep and too hard.
  6. We will always ask ourselves this for the rest of our lives, “Am I brave enough to do that?” “What does it feel like to be the center of attention, to have so many friends who care, to be (at least) someone’s favorite, to be the first choice?”
  7.  We will never know how to be an extrovert
  8. We will always envy extroverts
  9. We will always be the sidekick
  10. Sometimes we pity ourselves to be all alone all the time because your extrovert friends will always have someone else to hang out with, and we will blame ourselves for not making enough friends and for hating everyone too much.

I guess, in the end it depends on your own self. If you enjoy being an introvert that’s okay. But people can change. Depends on how environment effects your attitude, behavior, your life. Depends on how you see the world from your perspective.

If I’m wrong, please correct me.

If you’re agree, thanks…

This is just one of my opinions about something. People are allowed to have their own opinions, aren’t they?

Tout Ce Que Je Te Demande

When you have a guy best friend, never expect one of you will not fall into the black magic that is called love. There is no friendship between a guy and a girl. No, there is no such thing. Yes, deny it all you want! She knows you don’t believe it. But please, trust her on this, she did not believe it too at first.

“So, how are you?” he asked. What is wrong with him? They were just talking to each other last night on the phone.

She sat there across from him. The food between them were starting to be cold. The salmon on her plate was awry cooked. She could tell by the pinkish color on the bottom. Talk to me! You’re just spitballing here and I want to know whatever it is that you are hiding! 

“Are you going to talk to me or not?” he asked again and this time he was staring deep into her eyes.

She shifted on her seat uneasily. “Yes,” she replied without looking directly at his face. “What are we going to talk about?”

“Anything you want,” he smiled knowing that she was still keen to respond.

You asked me out, therefore you are the one who needs to talk! Oh my God, he is such a buffoon!  She knew there was something insignificantly fishy when he asked her out for lunch. They are best friends or were, well she thought it was something more than that between them. She always has thought of that. Almost five years they were going nowhere. He treats her so well, like no best friend would treat each other. She feels like a princess whenever they are together. He teases her like a brother to his sister. He takes care of her like best friends. They fight like a couple. But none of those seems real for her right now. They were there, physically, like two strangers on a disastrous blind date. She knew she wouldn’t want to be there if it wasn’t because of her curiosity. Not only that, but it was because she cares.

“So, why are you taking me out?” she asked him with no suspicious tone in her voice. Like she already knew what will happen but still wants confirmation.

“What do you mean why?” he looked hurt. Well, he should be. “I just want to have a nice lunch with you. Is that wrong?”

Yes, it is wrong. You don’t usually ask me out for lunch, I mean just the two of us! We usually go with seven other people because you never want to be just the two of us! Why is that so wrong? Are you disgusted when people stare at us and think we are as a couple? Am I that disgraceful to you? I know I am not pretty like other girls you always have a crush on. Geez, are you going to give me a lecture about something? 

“No,” she replied after having a debate in her own head. “Not at all. It’s just…”

He bent over slightly.

“It’s just not you,” she giggled awkwardly. “It’s just unusual.”

He laughed, like really laughed. She stomped a little in her seat.

There was an awkward moment. He cleared his throat.

“So, who’s hitting on you at the moment? Come on, tell me about this guy…”

What was that supposed to mean? “No one,” she replied.

“You sure?” he teased her, but she is not up for a game right now.

There is nobody that can make me fall in love like you do. “I swear! To be honest,” she was itching from the words in the tip of her tongue. “No one deserves condign affection from me. They didn’t give me that comfort feeling, not like you do to me.”

There was another awkward silent again.

“Well, what about you?” she took control the whole situation. She is like a tigress, trying to pretend that she is strong but she is actually scared. “I mean, what about all that girls you used to tell me about?”

He moved uncomfortably in his seat. She knew he was hiding something. “I’m done with them.” he said plainly. But in his last tone, there was something else. His eyes were telling her that she should be ready for what’s coming next. “But there is someone,” he finally said after taking a long deep breath.

“Who?” she asked in agony.

“You don’t know, do you?” He smirked. What was that for?

She shook her head so very slow and he didn’t notice.

“You know her very well,” he mumbled with his head bowing so low. He played his fork in his left hand but he was staring at his half-eaten food. “She’s one of us.”

She tried to recall all the girl’s names in her group. Well, there were only five of them including her. Two are taken, it left her with two other girls. At first, she had this thought that it might be her. Maybe he was about to confess his feeling towards her. Really? She could feel a little joy in herself.

But this is all bogus! It can’t be me! But he is so nice to me today, and that is what makes it all so fishy. I mean, why would he wait until now to just say if he loves me? Why not years ago?

“She’s one the closest to you,” he suddenly said like knowing she was being too self-conscious.

The closest? It is you imbecile little moron! But I guess, it is supposed to be a girl then?! Wait… Oh my God…

“Since when?” she asked in a low voice. She almost screamed, she meant to. But her self-control wouldn’t let her and instead she whispered. A whimpering sound came within her.

He was contemplating at first, but told her everything. He found out that he likes her three years ago. He doesn’t explain how and why he likes her. He told her their little getaway to the most beautiful place and all. He also told her that she felt the same way, but she couldn’t tell her best own best friend because it might hurt her. Yes, it does hurt! All she could do was listening and nodding, smiling even. But inside her, there was a battle. A part of her wants to scream and run away, the other wants her to cry and explain everything to him. That she is still in love with him, she is still waiting for him, she is still hoping for a fairy tale ending, and most of all she still wants him.

“Are you okay?” he asked when she didn’t respond anymore.

she felt the tears prickled in the corner of her eyes. She stood up abruptly, her chair made a squeaking noise it makes him cringed. “I need to go to the bathroom,” she rushed to the back. Some people stared at her when she passed their tables.

Why her? Why not any other girl out there like before? Why my own best friend? I told her everything about him. I told her about this devastating date. I told her EVERYTHING. She was also the only one who encouraged me to come to him first. She was the one who kept supporting me to be with him. She told me I would be good for him! Why? Wasn’t she hurt to back me up to date her own lover? Why would she hurt herself for me?

She suddenly felt guilty, but why? It is her the one who’s hurting right now. It is her who is betrayed. It is her to suffer from all this cheap drama!

She went back to the table just to find him looking at her with a smile on his face. You are disgusting! “I’m going home,” she said taking her purse. She took out several bills from her purse and tossed them to the table in front of him.

“Wait,” he did the same and ran after her. “At least let me give you a ride.”

She kept walking.

“Please, wait!” he pulled her hand. She shirked away from his grasp and turned to face him.

“Go away!” she said. Her voice was trembling badly. “Go away before I start to scream!”

“Please, don’t do this!” he pleaded. His eyes were full with sorrow. But why? He is the evil! “I can’t lose you, please!”

The words slapped her right on her cheeks. “Why? So that you can still hurt me? Is it fun for you to watch me hurt? Is it some kind of an entertainment for you?”

“No, I don’t mean it like that!” He sighed. “Listen, you are my best friend! I don’t want to just end it like this. I still want us to hang out, to debate over silly things, to make fun of you until your face turns red like a tomato, to be with you when I need to tell all my problems. Don’t go!”

She laughed. Yes, it was funny! Funny how someone can say that when he doesn’t even love her and he loves someone else. “Ha!”

“Listen to me, buddy! If you want me to stay, you can’t be with her. But if you want to be with her, let me go!”

“I can’t,”

“You are one selfish little brat, aren’t you?” she narrowed her eyes. A frown formed on her face. “You have to choose! Because she is my best friend! I don’t want to hurt her,” she paused. “And I don’t to be hurt anymore.” she whispered still trying to hold on to her tears.

“Please,” he still went on begging her to stay. “I can’t lose you anymore. I know you are going to disappear after today. It is hard enough for me to let you go!”

“What about her? Don’t you care?”

“I’m not even going back to her,”


All I ask of you is just to choose,” she said softly. “I might disappear after today, but that is because I need some time. If you want to be with her, I am all happy for you both. My best friends are finally happy together. But I can’t let you to have us both. If you are my best friend, you have to let me go and be gone!”

He didn’t say anything.

She knew that was her time to go. No more of this. She’s had enough of this; of him, of life, of everything. She walked away thinking she will never fall in love again that easy. This makes her believe that a guy and a girl can never be best friend. She hates this world for being so unfair. But eventually, she will forgive but not forget. She has learned something and that is to never trust anyone but herself. She is moving on. She will, someday soon. She will be happy again. But for now, let her take sometime and grief. Before she gets back up and start everything fresh.


The Lion Fell in Love With The Lamb 2

Parfume. Checked. Hair. Brushed. Lipstick. Who am I kidding? Lip balm. Now we’re talking and yes applied! 

“Where do you think you’re going?” my roommate asked me in her shower rob and a wet towel hovering over her head.

“Um…” I was nervous so suddenly like I was about to ask permission to my mom to go on a date.

“Well, have fun with him! Be home before 12 and be safe!” she put her hands on her hips.

I laughed. “Yes, Mom!”


It was wrong to leave out my jacket. It was a cold night for an early summer day. I thought we were going on a public transportation, but instead we were on a motorcycle now. I should’ve never worn this stupid black polyester shirt! The wind blew hard on my face, but it was kind of refreshing. And it was not that cold because I could feel the heat from his body radiating through mine when I put my arms around his waist. It was nice.

The smell of newly cooked butter in the popcorn machine hit me the second I stepped into the theater. I love popcorn. I don’t just eat it in the movies, but I eat it literally every time. He bought us the tickets, popcorn, and drinks which I insisted on splitting the money.

“I’m the guy here,” he told me. “The guy pays. The girl enjoys and be happy.”

“Oh now you’re referring to gender equality? Like us girls can’t pay like when we couldn’t vote back in 1900’s?”

He laughed. It sounded warm to my ear and I felt so overwhelmingly hot. Why am I sweating in an air-conditioned room?

“No,” he pushed me softly to our seats. “I asked you out, so let me pay. If you ask me out, I’ll let you pay. Deal?”

“Fine!” I said with a pout on my lips.

He laughed again. Argh, he needs to stop making me so nervous and acting up like a little girl!

The movie was all blank to me. I didn’t pay attention to it. We talked a bit during the movie because I kept asking him what is happening, who is that person, which one is which. I told him I never watched Iron Man 1 and 2, apparently it was a big mistake to jump to the 3rd movie without knowing anything.

“I’m hungry,” he told me after we were already on our way home. “Let’s eat!”

He brought me to this comfy place and I ate a hot chicken porridge. It was surprisingly delicious and I didn’t realize that I was hungry too until I took my second big bite. We finished up and I didn’t want to leave. I know where we were going next, our own place. On the way back, I felt sudden tears and a pang of guilt. I know why it was. It was because of the secret I have been hiding from the first time he ever texted me, that there was another Lamb waiting for me tomorrow to be killed. I should’ve told him before, but it was too late to have this kind of conversation in a short amount of time. So I’d shut up and promised to myself that I would tell him next time. He drove me off to my dorm.

That night I couldn’t sleep, my feelings were all mixed up. I was happy, confused, angry, sad, and guilty. We can’t be together! We can’t! This is all wrong! We will never work out! I mean, it’s not like we are getting serious or something. But I am tired of playing games and hurting people. Wait, but I am still playing this game. I am hurting him and yes someone else at the same time. I am killing two helpless lambs in one bite. I can’t even be with them both. I need to change my game! NO, I NEED TO STOP THIS GAME! I have to choose! I have to stop!

“Tonight was fun, thank you so much.” I saw his text popped up on my screen.

“No, thank you! I really really had a great night.” My eyes were both watering. I sobbed without noticing. Apparently I was crying and my roommate woke up. I told her it was just a nightmare.

“Go back to sleep, we have to get up early tomorrow!” she replied, half asleep. “We need to go before lunch because everyone wants to have a picnic before the sunset.” then she rested her head back to her pillow.

“I know,” I mumbled. I didn’t want to go, but I had to. The other Lamb is waiting for me, for the Lion, to devour him into the great maw. Because apparently the Lion is hungry.

“Why don’t you sleep?” he texted me back

“I can’t,”

“Me too.”

I can’t do this anymore.

“I have to get up early,” he was still texting me and I didn’t want it to stop.

“Why?” I replied as quickly as I could. I was scared that he’d fall asleep.

“To get an errand.”

Stop, I know what he’s going to say!

“Wanna come?”


“Sure,” I’ve lost myself to my hunger.

“Great! I’ll pick you up at 8. Now sleep!”


I am making the fucking biggest mistake in my entire life. the Lion is starving and nothing can stop her from eating these lambs. I left before my roommate woke up because I couldn’t let her see me turning into a monster when I’m playing this game. I left her a note saying, I’ll be back before the group assemble in the usual spot.

Once again, heat radiated through my body when I put my hands on his waist. I could get used to his familiar smell and warmth. But I can’t let myself. Not in a million years I will surrender. It is too late for submission, no turning back, no changing lanes. I have to finish it, kill the lambs, and start fresh. I’ve got their arteries, all I need to do is to rip them out.

Everything was a blur until I found myself standing in an almost empty room. It was dark because the door and all the windows were all shut down. He was there standing in front of me, giving me a quizzical look. I know, I must’ve been blanked out. One step closer to killing this one little and innocent lamb while the other one still has no idea he will about to be killed next.

Finish it now or you’ll be sorry! Says the Lion in my head. Kill this lamb! I took a step towards him but he was not moving. Why didn’t he run? RUN! This is too easy, play a little harder! RUN you idiot! RUN before it’s too late! Why is he staring at me? Why is he not asking me to leave? Kill him slowly!

“Where is everyone?” I asked.

“They are all out of town,” he answered obediently.

“So you’re all alone today?” I asked again taking a step forward.

He’s not moving! Move you little Lamb! It’s a trick! It’s a damn dead trap!

“Actually, since last night…” NO! He took the damn bait! Don’t be foolish! NO!

“Then, why didn’t you take me here last night? Weren’t you lonely?” I smiled. I am disgusted with myself.

“I did think of that actually,” YES, HE IS TRAPPED! roared the Lion in my head. Kill him! You have another one to kill! 

“Well, where is your room? Aren’t you going to give a flat tour?” I giggled. This is the final bait. DON’T FALL INTO THIS ONE! RUN, LAMB! RUN!

“It’s upstairs and all messy. Come on, I’ll give you a ‘tour’!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS LAMB? Can’t he see my paw is already on his heart? All I need is to rip it out. Please, run away!

The Lion is laughing inside my head. When he opened the door to his own death, the Lion roared vigorously and full of victory. Kill him! KILL HIM NOW!

I pulled him in and closed the door behind us. I jumped to his soon-to-be grave and he followed without my command. One of my claw has already pierced through his skin onto his heart.

I pulled his collars and yanked his body on top of me. I put my lips on his as soft as I could, but the Lion ordered for more. The Lion suddenly transferred me the most powerful strength that I could never resist. I kissed him harder and he kissed me back. The second claw is now following the first.

I didn’t know what I had done but his clothes were already torn apart into pieces on top of me. That was me, you fool! Now don’t stop until he’s dead! I let him took off mine and we both knew something terribly wrong was about to happen. He should’ve known that I’m a bad girl. He is such a sweet boy, who fell into my deep charms. I need to stop, but I can’t. The lion gives me too much power. If I stop, I’ll be the one who’s dead.

He kissed my neck and I knew right then that my third claw has already on his heart. STOP! I have to hold myself back! But it hurts…

In just another minute we were half naked on top of each other. Sweating, but full with joy. I am about to kill him. The Lion is being fed but still hungry. The fourth paw has already on its spot.

“I think I know what it is,” he said to me catching a breathe. It hit me back to my senses. I NEED TO STOP! DON’T KILL HIM!

“What?” I asked him panting to grasp some air and to keep myself away from the Lion.

“I think I love you,” he laid beside me while breathing so hard like he has just finished a Basketball match.

“No, you don’t.” I replied in a raspy voice. I am pushing away the Lion.

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not good enough for you,” yes, that is what a girl like me would say.

“You are more than anything to me. What makes you think that?” He turned his body on me and shifted his wight on his right side.

I couldn’t look at him because I was letting the Lion kill me. I am going to let the Lion devour it’s own self instead.

“No, you can’t say that! Please…” It hurts.

“Why?” he looked hurt too. But trust me, I was about to be dead.

“Because there is someone else, okay?!” suddenly the Lion’s last claw was in his heart completely. NO! We are both going to die because of the Lion. Because of me!

“I know who he is,” he smiled but it appeared so weak to me and it made the Lion happy. “But you can’t be with him. You guys will never work out…”

“Yes, neither will us! We will never work out too,” I started to cry. The Lamb noticed. He wanted to wipe out my tears, but he was dying.

“I know,”

“I can’t fall in love with you,” I told him. Can he see my face? The Lion is dying too. “But I already am.”

The Lamb was silent. “I know you have to go somewhere right now,” the Lamb’s heart is just one pull away from its death. “But please, stay…”

Aw, it hurts so bad! The Lion is killing herself and the Lamb.

“I can’t. I’m sorry, I have to go…”

As I put my clothes back on and rushed to the door, the Lamb was already lying in a pool of his own blood. While the Lion tried to run away to kill the last Lamb ever before she’s dead eventually, somehow she knows that she’s not losing. She has won. She has won over the Lion on her head by killing the Lamb the she fell in love with.

She finally broke free from her own animal. She has won. She would never have play this stupid game anymore to feed the Lion’s hunger game ever. Now that the Lion is going to be dead, she can fall in love and settle for good.

Before the Lion ran into the woods, she looked back one more time. The Lamb was there still lying in his own blood, lifeless. Then I cried for the last time full with agony but relieved to be free. All she will remember is how the Lamb set her free with the love that she will never be able to pay back. I’ve loved you and I will always be thankful to you.