The long ombre hair, the vibrant matte lips, bohemian kind of clothes, and round white-framed glasses. It is like I am looking in a mirror. The differences are that she is six cm shorter than me, more slender, and not prettier than most women. What she says is what I said, all the things she does are what I did in public, but whatever she feels will not be the same feelings that I have. She can copy me or either way. But my life will always be mine and she can never take it for granted. If she can copy me but still cannot be me, what’s the fun?
“How not to hate your life”
Here are some tips how not to hate your life.
- Do the things that you love : Remember, this is very different with “love what you do” because it is forcing you to be happy when you are not. Everything is always bad when it is being forced. It is not hard to do what you love, just simply do what you want to do and you are basically going to be the happiest person. But before you make your decision, you get to think of the consequences. Everything has its own risk and it needs your full responsibilities. I am going to give an easy example if you love cheesy fries and you crave for them every day and for every meal, you have to think for yourself what will cheesy fries do to your health if you eat them 3x in a day. If you love singing and want to be a singer, you know tongues are the best judges of all. How criticism will affect your mental health. You have to think for the long term. I love writing. Of course, I have to think about the consequences, the responsibilities that I cannot get away from.
- Do what you are good at when it comes to making money : You know you are good at Graphic Design, you should make money from it. There are ways, maybe you should consider applying for a job as a Graphic Designer or you can make your own business over it. Yet, this can be challenging. Maybe there will come a day when you are so effed by looking at your computer screen, squinting your eyes to make a perfectly straight line, or making the most eye-catching brochure. Well, everybody will be there soon enough because that means you are just doing the right thing.
- Do / Be what your heart desires : If your heart tells you to be a clown, so be it, if your heart tells you to go to the mall so do it. Even though sometimes your heart wants something strange, follow it! Trust me you will feel accomplished and at least you are happy and on the right path. If you feel like exercising, go hit the gym, go on a jog, or whatever. But if you don’t feel like it, you don’t have to. Nobody forces you to (unless you’re on a program).
- Find reasons why you are doing it : Now if you know what to do and to be, find your reasons why you should follow what your heart desire. If you want to resign from your current job, find your reasons why. If you think your job is not giving you what you need like challenges or enough salary that you deserve, then why not? You are worth more than that. Or if you want to break up with your significant other, find a reason why. Is it because he/she cheating on you and you don’t want to give them any last chance? Or maybe because you feel like you are in a destructive relationship that is going nowhere and you feel like you are just wasting time with him/her? Fine, end whatever that needs to be as long as you have the right reason why.
- Have enough rest : If you are having a very hectic week, schedule at least one day from your weekend to take a full day rest. Just do nothing and be lazy for a day, it won’t kill your brain cells and make you become stupid or unproductive. Wake up late, stay in your bed for 18 hours, call for a pizza delivery, binge watch Netflix all day, or read a very good novel, maybe you don’t even have to take a shower (at least brush your teeth).
- Go have a day / night out : Don’t lock yourself in the same places every day. Office – home – office – home. Take one day of your weekend to go out, have a nice lunch, go on a picnic, or go shopping, or maybe you can visit pubs on Friday night if you have already scheduled for a rest on Saturday, or you can go out for dinner in a cozy restaurant on a Wednesday night.
- Keep in touch with your old friends : Arrange for a meet up with some old friends, catch up what has been left, talk about those good old days.
- Go on a date with your so : Haven’t been in any fun and romantic activities with your so because of that loaded paperwork? Have a spontaneous date night. Maybe on Monday night, to ease the next four days, ask your so to go on a fancy dinner or movie date. You don’t have wait for a celebration to go fancy dining, there will always be something to be celebrated for, your relationship, your children, your job that you love, anything. Or you want to cook at home and make something special? Put on those scented candles, spice it up a bit in the bedroom after home-cooked fancy dinner, just forget that weekend is still a long way to go.
- Surround yourself with the people who are grateful for your well-being : That means those people need you and they love having you to be around them. Surround yourself with these kinds of people, you will appreciate yourself more then.
- Be grateful : God loves those who are grateful. Being grateful that means you are accepting whole heartedly of what God has given you. It is like giving someone a birthday present and seeing them happy and thankful, you feel like you want to give them more. So, don’t forget to be grateful.
There are two kinds of people on this planet;
- The one who’s expecting the unexpected
- The one who just lets the unexpected happens
I am both, I guess. I chase opportunities. But when they take some times, I usually back away slowly but leave my whole heart on the way hoping it will come again. Then boom, the unexpected happens when I am almost losing all hopes. I don’t know what God has planned, but mostly He writes my story with so much minor plot twists. They twirl my world a little bit too much in here and there, making a small hurricane without the storm.
You can imagine how much the life of a 22 year old has gone up and down. It fluctuates every five minutes. One minute she feels lucky, the next minute she is attacked by the series of unfortunate events. It can be anything! From the moment she opens her eyes and even before she takes the first breath, something will change quickly. Maybe she gets a text from a cute guy blessing her morning, or maybe even a break up text.
One night, the haunting hour has not yet passed by. The phone in my hand kept ding-ing with the multiple texts from three people at the same time. One text full of jokes, gossips, and curses. The other text full with recalling back happy memories. The last text full with one-sided arguments and recriminations.
I cried and then laughed. Then when there were spare times away from them, I’m brooding. Looking up at the ceiling, staring at the flowery beam around the lamp, thinking I might end one of the conversations, having enough plot twists for one night. The texts of jokes, gone without closure. The texts with memories, never been opened since. So I decided to finish the arguments instead, anyway I never like it to sleep with a head full of thoughts.
A small plot twist. The arguments turned into my breaking point where I no longer believe in the future. One thing that flipped it upside down, the proof of a chance to find a long lost human being that was once my whole world but a tornado blew him away. One future closing up, another one coming in ahead. Maybe, just a 0.50% maybe because it had to get through a bumpy road up and down some hills.
Another small plot twist. The arguments continued without ending, even after ignoring seemed ruthless. A small pop-out on my screen turned the frown right-side-up, creating a heat that caused blush. In a single click, I know what I had to do! To make more plot twist, but this one was the biggest of all. The major one and I knew my life would change forever. I threw away the only toxic in my life and I could feel a load of burdens lifted up from my chest. If you are a woman, you would probably know how it feels. You know that feeling of freedom and relieve when you finally take off your bra after 12 hours? I know right?!
Then, yes I took small and careful steps to take the risk. I am not the kind of person who is scared of being alone. I rarely crave for a relationship, I am the other wise. I always have been in chains longing for liberty. But I still considered gambling to win the war I had lost once, seven years ago. I have had taken the same chance when God cracked open the door a little, but my move was reckless and aimless. I hit the door instead of entering, he was gone again by the time I stood back up. Then, I waited… waited… until God opened the door big enough for me to slip in smoothly.
“Hey, how are you? It’s been so long since the last time we talked.”
I knew it, waiting patiently would finally make everything worth in the end. God is opening so many doors and behind each of them are the plot twists you can make your own self. Big and small. The biggest plot twist in my entire life (yet), the return of a missing human being. It sounds simple, but if you know how I had lost all of my hopes but still leaving my whole heart with that person, this is a triumph almost like a lifetime achievement. Well, because it takes a lifetime for me to be able to reach for it. Once I have it in my hands, it will always remain there.
So, hold on to the unexpected. Hold on to your dreams. When you almost lose all hopes, back away a little, slowly, but if you think your heart belongs there then leave it somewhere along the way. Someday it will find the way back to you along with the dreams you almost gave up on.
Be both kind of person. Expect and let it happens when the time comes.
Home is supposed to be the only place where you want to rest your head.
Home is supposed to be where family gets together.
Family is supposed to be one of the vessels you can rely on.
Family is supposed to be the place where secrets are shared and sorrows are obscured.
There is no I among family in a home.
There is only we.
We are supposed to be a family.
I am supposed to be a member.
But we and I are not one.
Myself is the one to take care of on its own.
You are the ones that supposed to be.
When myself demands the license to do as one wants,
no rights to be given and a hex you label it.
When myself pleaded the love of a family,
no mercy should be delineated and an enmity you turn over in one’s mind.
What kind of home where the war is between you and myself as supposed to be a family called?
No home is supposed to be a death penalty of its own self.
No home is supposed to be a punishment for being born.
No home worth a life when one broken soul is still being annihilated.
Black balloons instead of pastels.
One broken chair and dusty tapestries.
Horror movies instead of rock bands.
Melted hard-candies and artificial chocolate flavor.
Thunder paper-cuts, the melody of rain, a tear drop of pity.
Let’s talk about Pegasus and Nymph.
Don’t call the Banshee.
Joining me here,
Myself to my own pity party.
What are those green things up there? They are dancing with the wind. Should I dance too?
What is that thing that moves to the hilt of the ravine? It is cold when I touch it. Should I touch it again?
What are these grey and black uneven things? Some of them are big, some are small. But they are all hard when I clutch my hands around them. There are the round ones, but there are also some with the rough and even sharp edges. Should I squeeze them harder?
What are these tall things all around me? Their bodies are so long! But the smell is like nothing I have ever tasted in the place where I used to live. There’s nothing quite like this smell. I can lean on to the concrete logs without breaking them.Should I smell them one by one and then lean on again until I need to go and find something else?
Into the woods, I am walking into the woods with my bare foot.
Into the woods, I am running into the woods with my heart beating as fast as the pace I take.
Into the woods, I can see things people can’t where they live now.
Into the woods, I don’t want to leave.
Into the woods, my soul belongs here.
Into the woods, nothing can stop me from going deeper.
Into the woods, the deeper I get the more my body resists to be alive.
Into the woods, what can you find here?
Into the woods,
It is never wrong too be so overwhelmed about something, especially when you feel like the whole world is on your shoulders and you just can’t shrug it off. Have a little peek on what’s going on behind your shoulders, instead of convulsing the struggles of what’s ahead.
The most strongest word in this whole world is ‘Love’, or so what desirous people claimed it to be, but for me the word ‘Okay’ is the strongest. Not so related whatsoever, makes no sense in so many ways, what do I even mean by that? Take a little peek of your past and find the reason of why you’re still standing in the present looking for a future. You will understand somehow in someway for someday…
Have a little peek of other people’s stories by asking them, “How was your day?” then compare to your own story. What’s so different living in two different shells while going through different realities? Take a little peek on that.
Can you see the point of this post?
Then, your life is just a joke!
Live your life well!
So, for the first time I am right now writing in WordPress. Well, everybody has first impressions about anything. Always.
So far, I can’t tell by using WordPress what will I develop to build up my writing skills.
Currently, I am working on 4 papers for my final exam. Oh yeah, I am a college freshman. I have 4 deadline papers due coming this Friday. Have no time left, so I guess I’ll focus on them first 🙂
Maybe I will post them here later on after revising, submitting, scoring, and I don’t know what else coming hehehe
Wish me luck 🙂